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10 Top #Dating #Tips

stop kissing frogs
Dating – not necessarily easy, but pretty straight forward, right? You probably think you know what these ten tips are going to be already! Well you might just be surprised; there’s more to successful dating than hairspray and perfume.

  1. Figure out what you want: Most people have a long list of things they DON’T want in a partner – you significantly increase your odds of finding someone by doing the exact opposite; decide what qualities you’d like.
  2. Re-evaluate your image: If you’ve had the same hair-do, same clothes, same anything, for a while – it’s probably time for a makeover.
  3. Go online: 50% of all modern relationships start on the internet. Get yourself on social media, start being social, and find a good dating website – you’ll more than double your chances of meeting someone than staying in the real-world.
  4. Say cheese! When it comes to profile photos you’re scientifically proven to be more attractive if you’re looking into the camera & smiling. Men should do the opposite.
  5. Action photo! Science says a photo of you doing something (playing an instrument, riding a horse) is better even than the smiley photo. Although photos of you drinking are an exception to this rule.
  6. Beware the pleasant message exchange: Endlessly pinging flirty messages back & forth with someone you’ve yet to meet is a bad idea no matter how much fun you’re having. If you’ve found someone nice online, you must arrange to meet as soon as possible.
  7. Don’t do first dates: First dates are scary & horrible. Skip ‘em. Meet for coffee first, and only for 15 minutes.
  8. To meet the one, you must first meet the many: You’ve heard it said that every journey starts with a single step, finding romance generally takes more than one date. Many more.
  9. Dating can be fun – if you’re not enjoying it, you’re not doing it right.
  10. Sex on the first date? Not if you ever want to see them again.

You can find the science behind these tips – and many more besides – in HOW TO START DATING AND STOP WAITING. Available in paperback, ebook & audio download.

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50 per cent of all romances start on the internet

kissblow

Twenty years ago I worked in an office where people dictated letters and memos, and handed them to a secretary to type up. Our department was considered high tech; as well as a secretary, the five of us shared a PC. It wasn’t networked. The internet didn’t exist. I honestly have no idea how we got anything done.

Now the entire world is ‘online’. My ten-year-old niece and nephew send me poems they’ve written, pictures they’ve taken or songs they’ve created, electronically, from a variety of devices scattered around their house. They visit ‘virtual worlds’ where they create and take on the persona of ‘monsters’ and meet other children of the new millennium. And only occasionally does this hi-tech world fall short of their expectations. Like when my nephew recently expressed some frustration when he couldn’t connect to Nana’s WiFi.

“Nana doesn’t have WiFi,” said his dad.

“No WiFi!” replied my wide eyed nephew.

When it comes to finding love in the 21st Century, I’m a big believer in the Internet. In How To Start Dating And Stop Waiting I actually claim that 50% of all modern day romances probably started online. Now how on earth did I come up with that figure? Buckle up people. Prepare to be nerdified.

Let’s start by looking at Online Dating Websites, specifically how popular they are. Below is a list of the fifteen most popular websites, according to eBizMBA.com. This information is ‘correct’ (or so say eBizMBA) as of October 2014. And in case their website ever disappears off the face the www you can download a PDF of the page I’m looking at here.

  1. match – 35,000,000 unique visitors per month (31.9% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  2. pof – 23,000,000 unique visitors per month (21.0% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  3. zoosk – 11,500,000 unique visitors per month (10.5% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  4. okc 10,150,000 unique visitors per month (9.2% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  5. eharmony – 7,100,000 unique visitors per month (6.5%of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  6. badoo – 6,000,000 unique visitors per month (5.5%of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  7. christianmingle – 5,500,000 unique visitors per month (5.0%of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  8. ourtime – 3,500,000 unique visitors per month (3.2%of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  9. datehookup – 3,000,000 unique visitors per month (2.7% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  10. blackpeoplemeet – 1,200,000 unique visitors per month (1.1%of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  11. howaboutwe – 1,000,000 unique visitors per month (0.9%of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  12. seniorpeoplemeet – 900,000 unique visitors per month (0.8% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  13. speeddate – 850,000 unique visitors per month (0.8% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  14. chemistry – 550,000 unique visitors per month (0.5% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)
  15. jdate – 500,000 unique visitors per month (0.5% of visitors to the top fifteen sites)

Wowsers. That’s a lot of people.

eharmony claimPay close attention to number 5: eHarmony. As of today they claim they are responsible for almost 4% of all US marriages (This is based on a survey they commissioned in 2012).

Now, if we assume that eHarmony’s stats were correct in 2012, and are still correct today, and that all dating websites are equally effective (!!!), then mathematically the top fifteen websites are responsible for a whopping 61.8% of all US marriages!!

That seems… unlikely. Fortunately I can list the reasons why:

  1. eHarmony’s survey was possibly a little optimistic back in 2012 (given that they commissioned it)
  2. And it’s almost certainly out of date today (given that there are many new players in the online dating website community)
  3. Some dating websites are definitely better than others, whilst others are worse.

But if we adjust our numbers assuming that eharmony’s newley wed statistic is actually only a quarter as impressive, ie. that they’re only responsible for 1% of US marriages – and that whilst some websites are less effective than eharmony, some are also better – this still means the top fifteen websites could be responsible for, approximately, 15.5% of all US marriages.

So what if we take marriage out of the equation? Here’s an interesting statistic taken from the 2002 paper snappily entitled Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the United States published by the CDC: The percentage of US women, in co-habiting relationships, that turn to marriage within 5 years are 75% for white women, 61% for hispanic women, and 48% for black women.

Let’s pretend all American women are black for a moment, and that cohabiting couples that don’t tie the knot in five years go their separate ways, This means you can assume there’s one unmarried couple cohabiting for every two married couples, and that the top fifteen dating sites are therefore responsible for 23.1% of US people cohabiting and/or married. But this figure rises when you remember that there are white and hispanic women, and that some couples co-habit for longer than five years.

Add to that number those people who aren’t shacked up together, who are *just* dating (whatever that might mean), and that number might easily double again: 46.1%

And what about all the dating websites that didn’t make the top fifteen? Actually, forget dating sites, what about the likes of twitter, facebook and all the other social media sites that actually do a far better job of introducing people than the sites that are supposed to be about introducing people!? Suddenly that initial guesstimate that the internet is responsible for 50% of all relationships seems somewhat low!


Online Dating can seem daunting – but it needn’t be a nightmare. Get How To Start Dating And Stop Waiting today, follow the Action Points and you too can find someone special.


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Dave Monk (BBC Essex): How To Be Successful at Online Dating

 

Over the last few weeks I’ve been playing catch up with some of the radio interviews I’ve given over the past few months, and back in May of this year I was invited back onto the Dave Monk show on BBC Essex, to celebrate twenty five years of the internet and to talk specifically about the surge in online dating popularity.

You can listen to the whole interview by clicking the big play button in the image below, or here if you’re reading this in an email.

We talk about my own experiences as well as some scientifically proven tips and strategies to make your own dating efforts more successful, such as…

  1. Whether you should smile for the camera
  2. Just how much of your profile should be spent talking about yourself (vs the person you’re looking for), and
  3. What to say in that opening message

Want More Tips?

If you want to delve into the detail the tips above, pick my brain for more nuggets of dating gems, or need a little more hand holding, then I have some very good news. How To Start Dating And Stop Waitingmy third self-help book, is available in paperback and as an ebook. An audio version – which includes the companion guide From Invisible To Irresistible – is also available at audible (co.uk and com)

You don’t need a Kindle device to read a Kindle book. Download the FREE kindle app for your computer, smart phone or tablet from amazon (.co.uk | .com)


TGGGTGTG drop shadowIf you like a little romance in your fiction, particularly if you’re a fan of books like Bridget Jones’s Diary, or High Fidelity, or About a Boy, then you might be interested to know that  The Good Guy’s Guide To Getting The Girl, my debut novel, is finally available!

It’s available in paperback and ebook, and it can be yours in two clicks, for less than the price of a cup of coffee – click here now.


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Common internet / online #dating abbreviations, shorthand & TLAs (how many do you know?)

These are some of the more common TLAs (three letter acronyms) and abbreviations you’re likely to come across in dating profiles, messages or ‘chat’ sessions. There are others, and new ones are being invented all the time – if you think I’ve missed one add a comment at the bottom or drop me a message.

2NITE
tonight

420
refers to the use of cannabis

ADN
any day now

AFAIK
as far as I know

AFK
away from keyboard

AKA
also known as

AML
all my love

ASAP
as soon as possible

ASLP
age/sex/location/picture

AWYR
awaiting your reply

B4
before

B4N
bye for now

BAK
back at keyboard

BBL
be back later

BBC
big black cock

BBW
big beautiful woman

BCNU
be seeing you

BDSM
bondage & discipline/domination & submission/sadism & masochism

BEG
big evil grin

BF
boyfriend

BFF
best friends forever

BFFL
best friends for life

BFN
bye for now

BRB
be right back
(as in, “I’ve got to answer the door” etc)

BS
big smile/bullshit
(that could make for an interesting misunderstanding!)

BTAIM
be that as it may

BTU
back to you

BTW
by the way

BWK
big wet kiss

CBL
come back later

CIO
check it out

CU
see you

CUL
catch you later

CWYL
chat with you later

DDF
drug and disease free

DIKU
do I know you?

DILIGAS
does it look like I give a sh*t?

Div
divorced

DLN
don’t leave now

DLTM
don’t lie to me

DTE
down to earth

EG
evil grin

F/ship
friendship

FAQ
frequently asked questions

FOTCL
falling off the chair laughing

FTF
face to face

FWB
friends with ‘benefits’
(‘benefits’ being sex)

FWIW
for what it’s worth

FYI
for your information

G2G
got to go

GAL
get a life!

GF
girlfriend

GFAK
go fly a kite

GIO
get it over

GL
good luck

GMAB
give me a break!

GSOH
good sense of humour

GTSY
glad to see you

H&K
hugs and kisses

HAGN
have a good night

HAK
hugs and kisses

HB
hurry back

HIG
how’s it going?

ICBW
I could be wrong

IDC
I don’t care

IDK
I don’t know

IDST
I didn’t say that!

IGP
I gotta pee

IMHO
in my humble opinion

IMO
in my opinion
(no humility)

IRL
in real life
(e.g. “let’s meet IRL”)

ISO
in search of

J/K
just kidding

JAM
just a minute

JAS
just a second

KIT
keep in touch

KWIM
know what I mean?

L8R
later

LDR
long distance relationship

LJBF
let’s just be friends

LMAO
laughing my arse off

LOL
laugh out loud
(or, very occasionally, ‘lots of love’,
but that’s actually a mistake made by newbies)

LOLA
laughing out loud again

LTR
long term relationship

M/F
male/female

M4M
man for man

M4MW
man for couple (man & woman)

M4W
man for woman

M8
mate

MILF
mother I’d like to f***
(or more generally; an attractive woman in her 30s / 40s)

MOTOS
member of the opposite sex

MOTSS
member of the same sex

MRS
meet real soon

MW4M
couple (man & woman) for man

MW4W
couple (man & woman) for woman

MWBRL
more will be revealed later

MYOB
mind your own business

N1
nice one!

N2S
needless to say

ND
non- drinker

NOYB
none of your business

NP
no problem

NRN
no response necessary

NS
non-smoker

NSA
no strings attached (sex)

NTTAWWT
not that there’s anything wrong with that

NW
no way!

OBTW
oh, by the way

OIC
oh I see

OMG
oh my God!

OT
off topic

PDA
public display of affection

PLS
please

POV
point of view

PMSL
peeing myself laughing

PTB
part time boyfriend

PTG
part time girlfriend

R/ship
relationship

RBTL
read(ing) between the lines

ROTFL
rolling on the floor laughing

ROTFLMAO
rolling on the floor laughing my arse off

ROTL
rolling on the floor laughing

RUOK
are you OK?

SD
social drinker

SOH
sense of humour

SOL
sooner or later

SOMY
sick of me yet?

SS
social smoker

STD
sexually transmitted disease

SWAK
sealed with a kiss

SWALK
sealed with a loving kiss

SYS
see you soon

TAFN
that’s all for now

TAH
take a hike!

TBDL
to be discussed later

TDH
tall, dark & handsome

TG
transgender

THX
thanks

TIAIL
think I am in love

TLC
tender loving care

TMI
too much information

TNTC
too numerous to count

TS
transsexual

TTFN
“ta ta for now”
(bye)

TTYL
talk to you later

TTYS
talk to you soon

TV
transvestite

TX
thanks

TYVM
thank you very much

VGL
very good looking

VM
voicemail

W/E
well endowed

W4M
woman for man

W4MW
woman for couple (man & woman)

W4W
woman for woman

W8
wait!

WIIFM
what’s in it for me?

WGTG
well, got to go

WLTM
would like to meet

WRU
who are you?

WTF
what the f***!?

WTGP
want to go private?
(as in; online private ‘chat’ mode)

WUF
where are you from?

WWJD
what would Jesus do?

WWPD
what would Peter do?
(not always the same as Jesus)

WWTMM
who was that masked man?

WYS
whatever you say

WYSIWYG
what you see is what you get

XOXO
hugs and kisses

YNK
you never know

YW
you’re welcome


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Golden Rules of Dating

Protect yourself from future heartache and heartbreak. These are the Nine Golden Rules of Dating:

Dating Golden Rule #1:
Never reveal information (to websites)
that could assist scammers, spammers, or fraudsters
(unless doing so would prevent the website
from working properly).

Dating Golden Rule #2:
Ignore profiles without photos.
That way lies madness.

Dating Golden Rule #3:
Nobody gets your (primary) email address,
Facebook details, phone number, surname,
or anything else
until you’ve met them in real life.

Dating Golden Rule #4:
When using a compatibility dating site
skip anyone who hasn’t answered enough questions

Dating Golden Rule #5:
Never, ever, ever
send a wink, wave, kiss
or any other virtual gesture

Dating Golden Rule #6:
By message number 3 or 4
you should be
arranging to meet.

Dating Golden Rule #7:
‘Dating Exclusivity’ is only for
people you’ve dated at least once,
in real life
(and even then, only if you feel the need)

Dating Golden Rule #8:
Never ever sleep with someone
on the first date
(even if you’ve reframed it as the second date)

Dating Golden Rule #9:
If you meet someone so stupid
that they can’t see how lovely you are
they’re not worth your attention.
Move on.