Phoenix FM Happy Club: Why Random Acts Of Kindness Are Good For You

Over the last few weeks I’ve been playing catch up with some of the radio interviews I’ve given over the past few months, including my ‘Happy Club’ slot on Michelle Ward‘s show on Phoenix98 FM.

Way, way back in June of this year, Michelle and I chewed over the topic of Random Acts Of Kindness and some intriguing scientific research that’s discovered…

1. it really is better to give than recieve, but
2. you might be better storing up your kind acts and doing them all on one day!

Click the big play button in the image below, or here if you’re reading this in an email.

We chat about what makes an act of kindness truly random, and discover that Michelle’s listeners seem to have a fondness for buying people cakes. Useful to know if you happen to live in the Brentwood / Billericay area of Essex, UK. And we get completely off topic and start talking about my X-factor style audition to be an official Women’s Institute Speaker. (I passed. Just in case you were worried about that)

But back to Random Acts of Kindness; check out this fabulous Thai advertisement for Life Insurance. If this doesn’t bring a lump to your throat then I swear you’re made of stone. Click here if you’re reading this in an email.

Want More Tips?

All four of my How To books are available in paperback, audio and for your kindle enabled device. In most cases the kindle versions are less than the price of a cup of coffee! Jeepers! Click here to find out more.

You don’t need a Kindle device to read a Kindle book. Download the FREE kindle app for your computer, smart phone or tablet from amazon (.co.uk | .com)

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During the show Michelle asks why my debut novel, The Good Guy’s Guide To Getting The Girl, isn’t available yet. I squirm uncomfortably in my chair and try and come up with a plausible sounding reason. Fortunately though it is finally available!

The official launch is September 12th 2014 (that’s next week!), when the ebook will be less than a quid for a very limited period, and I’ll be personally delivering copies to anyone who wants one (that last bit might not be true). Subscribe to this blog to be reminded of the launch nearer the time, but if you can’t wait to flick through the contents of my imagination, click here now.

Phoenix FM Happy Club: How to make your Bucket List work!

Over the next few weeks I’ll be playing catch up with some of the radio interviews I’ve given over the past few months, including my ‘Happy Club’ slot of Michelle Ward‘s show on Phoenix98 FM.

This week we rewind the clock to April of this year when Michelle and I talked about Bucket Lists – and more importantly how to make them work. Click the big play button in the image below, or here if you’re reading this in an email.

We chat about the film ‘The Bucket List‘, how I decided to write a Bucket List of my own, and why I call mine a ‘Now List’. We also talk about the importance of starting your list even if you have no idea what you’d put on it, and how having a blank, ‘ready-to-go’ list seems to be a magnet for Bucket List ideas.

If you’ve already written a Bucket List then you might be interested in a couple of my other posts such as…

• The difference between your Now List and your Wish List
• What to do if all your Now List items require money and you don’t have any!
• ..and what to do if one of your Now List activities is less than successful

Want More Tips?

All four of my How To books are available in paperback, audio and for your kindle enabled device. In most cases the kindle versions are less than the price of a cup of coffee! Jeepers! Click here to find out more.

You don’t need a Kindle device to read a Kindle book. Download the FREE kindle app for your computer, smart phone or tablet from amazon (.co.uk | .com)

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During the show Michelle briefly mentions my debut novel, The Good Guy’s Guide To Getting The Girl, and I casually forget to tell her that it wasn’t actually published. Well the good news is it is finally available!

The official launch is September 12th 2014, when the ebook will be less than a quid for a very limited period, and I’ll be personally delivering copies to anyone who wants one (that last bit might not be true). Subscribe to this blog to be reminded of the launch nearer the time, but if you can’t wait to flick through the contents of my imagination, click here now.

From Invisible To Irresistible

Last week we talked about Goals and how to identify what yours should be using the ‘Vision’ method.

When I do this exercise in workshops there are a handful of Goals that come up time and time again. I blogged about the number one Goal of all time a few months back, but there’s another popular goal that easily takes the number two slot.

Even in this day and age of social media and online dating it seems that more people than ever find themselves sitting at home on a Friday night, with nothing more than a packet of crisps and a cat to keep them company. For some people that might sound like absolute bliss, but I’ve met many others who were hoping for a little more. At the very least someone who would sit between them and the cat, share the crisps, or bring their own bag for the occasional swapsie.

If finding and starting ‘a new relationship‘ made it into your Goals List then you’re in luck! Over the next few weeks I’ve got not one, but two books coming out on the subject.

How To Start Dating And Stop Waiting, my long awaited third How To book, will be released in paperback, audio and as an ebook, on the 14th of February this year; Valentines Day. If you enjoyed How To Do Everything And Be Happy, if you’ve ever found any of my advice useful, if you’re fed up with being single and would like 2014 to be full of love, lust or romance… well, this might just be the book for you. Subscribe to this blog (top right hand corner of this website – it’s FREE), or LIKE the facebook page, and I’ll be sure to remind you know when it’s available.

In the meantime, do you remember how I met Kate? (You can find out here, or listen to the radio interview I gave to BBC Broadcaster Matthew Bannister below). When I tell people the story of how I met my wife they nearly always get the short version. The one paragraph version. But there was quite a bit more to it than signing up for a flirting course and sitting myself next to the prettiest girl in the room. I also underwent something of a self imposed image makeover. I did anything I could to turn myself into a ‘accidental relationship’ waiting to happen.

Now, I’m not about to start handing out fashion advice or makeup tips. That’s not my bag. What definitely is my bag however is a slew of ideas based on my own experience and/or scientific research, on how you can influence and improve how people perceive you. Think of it as a step-by-step personal re-branding exercise, all wrapped up in a mini-book.

From Invisible To Irresistible is the shorter, quirkier, but none-the-less completely gorgeous companion guide to How To Start Dating And Stop Waiting. Through a series of twelve anecdotes I highlight (and fix) those underlying problems, that make otherwise attractive, charming people invisible to those they’d like to date.

Chapters include:

• Changing Your Mind – How you can think yourself more attractive, and why a little back-to-front logic might work wonders.
• Changing Your Image – Why it might be a good idea to cut off your hair (or grow it back again), how to shed pounds without spending a fortune, and why hiring a professional image consultant could be a waste of money.
• Changing Your Environment – Why sitting at home in front of the TV isn’t a dating strategy, why some of your friends are holding you back, and why it’s vitally important to have the right sofa.

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How I met Kate

Finding a wife wasn’t quite the breeze I always assumed it would be. It required a little effort, some planning, and a somewhat unorthodox approach to problem solving. You can find out more in this short audio snippet taken from a BBC interview with Matthew Bannister. Click the big play button in the middle of the image (or here if you’re reading this in an email).

You can listen to the full length interview here.

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Phoenix FM ‘Happy Club’: Dealing With Christmas / Stress List Day

If you’d prefer to ‘listen‘ to this post (rather than read it), scroll down to the bottom and click the big play button in the centre of the video box, or click here if you’re reading this in an email

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again; it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

For some that means mince pies and merriment, for others it’s mayhem and madness, but regardless of how you feel about the festive season one thing cannot be denied. It can be a tad stressful.

In addition to our usual busy lives, for one month, maybe more, most of us have to contend with (at least some) of the following:

• Christmas preparation (presents, cards, etc. etc)
• Other deadlines (“this must be finished before xmas”, “…before the end of year” etc)
• Yet more deadlines / restrictions! (last posting day, office close down, system change-freeze, ‘Sunday’ service)
• Adverse weather!
• Rubbish driving conditions!! (more traffic, less daylight, adverse weather)
• Extra social events (office party, clubs, kid’s panto)
• Hang overs!
• Colds and flu

Is it any wonder that some of us wish that Christmas only came around every other year, or every four years, or maybe once a century.

A few years back I came up with a solution to all this nonsense. Behold STRESS LIST DAY

Step 1: Make a List

Make a list of all the stuff that stressing you now

• Not a general list; this is not an ‘Ugh List’
• Only stuff that absolutely has to be sorted
• Only stuff that keeps popping into your mind

There’s some very interesting research that shows that if you keep thinking about something other than the thing you’re supposed to be thinking about right now, you’re pretty much hard-wired to feel unhappy.

Here’s my stress list..

• Christmas!
  • Cards
  • Presents
    • Niece
    • Parents
    • Brother in law
  • What does my sister want me to take on Christmas Day?
• Clients
  • Client 1
  • Client 2
  • Client 3
• Next book(s)
  • finish edits
  • agree cover
  • audio?
  • launch in January!

Step 2: Prioritise

Re-sort your list with the following in mind

• Importance (how much trouble would I be in if this didn’t happen?)
• Deadline dates (last posting date, event date, last working day)

 Step 3: Schedule Stress List Day

Take your diary and schedule 4 to 5 Stress List days / mornings / evenings (or however many days you think you’ll need) between now and a week or so before Christmas.

• Better too many than not enough
• Make the time! Cancel other things if you have to!

Just knowing you’ve set aside time to sort these things should make you feel better

Step 4: Work The List

On Stress List Day, work your list in order. You probably won’t feel much better after the first stress list day, but by the end of the second, and the third, when you’ve started to make a dent in that list, your overall stress levels should start to fall.

If it works for you schedule next years Stress List days now, a little earlier than this years.

By the way, books make GREAT Christmas Presents! Why not order a signed copy of How To Do Everything And Be Happy – only £6.00 (plus postage)

Listen to me discussing the Stress List on ‘Happy Club’ (Phoenix FM)

Last week I met up with the delightful Michelle Ward of Phoenix98 FM to discuss the Stress List and other happiness concepts. To listen to the show click the big play button in the image below – or if you’re reading this in an email, click here)

If you have a question for next month’s show feel free to drop me a line, post a comment below, tweet either myself or Michelle, or send me a message on facebook.

The theme for January will be ‘New Year – New You!‘

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Michelle’s live on Phoenix FM every weekday from 10am.

Doing absolutely nothing

So last Sunday was a Boxing Day.

As per the Boxing Day Rules it had been booked out in my diary for some time, and also as per the rules I had no plans whatsoever. So what did I do with my day of unscheduled free-form fun?

Absolutely nothing.

There was a little facebook activity, a half hearted attempt at sorting through the edits for my novel, but other than that I pretty much spent the day sleeping, or sitting in front of the TV. And blimey-o’riley did it feel good.

I’d spent much of the previous day travelling back from Devon in horrendous bank-holiday traffic, and when I eventually made it home home, Essex was in the midst of a freak monsoon. Seriously. We had two inches of rainwater in thirty minutes, and it didn’t stop raining for another thirteen hours.

Whether any of this was responsible for the way I felt on Sunday morning I’m not really sure. All I knew is that once I’d dragged myself out of bed I didn’t really want to do anything more taxing than make a cup of tea, and sit in front of the tube. And as per the Boxing Day Rules – that’s absolutely fine.

I pass this on because I had a ‘happy talkie’ session the other week with a reader who was beating herself up for not having enough items on her ‘potential-Boxing Day‘ list. She’d somehow got it into her head that although Boxing Day isn’t planned, it’s still a day when LOTS happens (hence why it requires a list). But that’s not the case at all.

Boxing Day is a day for you. It’s a day to recharge. Be in the moment. Do whatever you fancy. The list is there simply to safe guard you against boredom, or in case you’re not feeling particularly inspired, but it’s by no means essential. If all you want to do on Boxing Day is chillax – as my niece would say – then that’s fine too.

Which reminds me very much of this daft song from Bruno Mars, which you can view by clicking the big play button below (or by clicking here if you’re reading this in an email)

And if you enjoyed that you might find this version (by Megan Nicole) equally entertaining. I particularly like the way she ‘cleans up’ some of the lyrics whilst her Mum’s sitting in the background reading a self-help book.

Feel free to share your Boxing Day experiences, questions, or observations in the comments box below, or over on the facebook page.

What would you do if money didn’t matter?

Reader Lenka sent me this video the other day – she thought I might appreciate it. And boy howdy was she right!

It’s a smidge over 3 minutes and incredibly inspiring – I couldn’t really say it better myself. Turn up the volume on your computer and click the big ‘play’ button.

If for any reason you can’t see or hear the video, drop me a line.

 

Selective Attention

Brains are amazing. Especially yours. Even mine has its moments. And one of the most fascinating mechanisms of the human brain is how it deals with “focus”.

Have you ever noticed how when you buy a new car, or even when you’ve merely decided what type of car it is you want to buy, you start seeing that same car everywhere!

Or the kettle packs up, the DVD stops playing, and suddenly half a dozen other electrical items in the house decide to turn up their boots, like they’re all suffering from some sort of appliance manic-depression?

Or how you can sleep through a thunderstorm, the traffic noise, and the sounds of revellers returning from a night on the town, but if your new-born’s breathing changes even slightly – in the next room – you’re awake!

Or have you ever seen someone across a crowded room, started to walk towards them, and somehow walked into the table, the person, the immoveable object, that was directly in front of you but momentarily invisible?

Or have you ever fallen in love, fallen out of love, had a tiff, a blazing row, a passing thought about that girl you used to know – and the words of the next song on the radio seem to capture your feelings precisely?

That’s the power of focus. Your brain is extremely good at noticing things, or disregarding things, depending on whatever it is you’re currently focused on.

The following video – a ‘selective attention test’ – is an intriguing demonstration of the brains uncanny ability to focus only on what we deem important. Press the play icon in the middle of the image, and concentrate carefully on the number of times the players in white pass the ball to each other.

You can find out more about this video, and the science behind it at here.